


Deer on the Defensive

by XIntensity_After_DarkX (XIntensity_FallsX)



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor and Vaggie friendship, Alastor is on the defense, Alastor is way out of his league here, Awkward Dates, Background Chaggie, Bargaining, Charlie tries to be ruthless, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Valentino is charming, a date for hotel guests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-20 06:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22179601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XIntensity_FallsX/pseuds/XIntensity_After_DarkX
Summary: Charlie makes a deal with Valentino- in exchange for some of his less popular adult film stars who want redemption, he gets a date with the hotel sponsor.Valentino proves to be a wildcard, and Alastor is out of his league with his fellow overlord when it comes to dates.
Relationships: Alastor/Valentino (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 20
Kudos: 337





	Deer on the Defensive

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by and a gift to my pal Caskit2 on twitter! Please check him out, his work is amazing!
> 
> https://twitter.com/Caskit2
> 
> I'm somewhat back from a couple of months hiatus. The time away was good, but I missed writing. There will be a new radiodust hopefully soon, and another AlastorxVox.

666 News droned on in the background, the sound echoing  off the high ceilings  in the living room. Charlie was sprawled out on the couch with  Vaggie as Katie Killjoy went on about two new overlords battling out toward the  upper  left wing of the pentagram. One of them was an explosive expert- his body fashioned like an armadillo, his armor covering his thick plated skin. The other was another multi-armed demon toting multiple guns.

“These two are really gunning for the upper left wing of the pentagram! If you’re going out in that area, you might want to be careful! You don’t want to wind up being fodder for these two and their _nasty_ volleying!”

Charlie rolled her eyes. Same story, different day. The hotel was still empty save for Angel, but at least Alastor’s presence was helping generate some real interest.

_ It’s only been two days. _ Charlie thought.  _ Just give it time.  _

There came a knocking at the hotel door not long after the broadcast ended . Charlie yawned and made a move to get off of the couch with  Vaggie .  Alastor popped out of the shadows, a wide smile plastered all over his face. “I can get it, you two relax!”

“A-are you sure?” 

“Of course! You both look adorable cuddling there watching the news. No need to interrupt it!”

“Aw, that’s swee-”

“Just how long where you watching us cuddle on the couch?!”  Vaggie said.

“Long enough, my dear.”  Alastor patted her head on the way to the door.

Vaggie let out a series of agonized groans, raking her hands through her hair. “ Why the fuck does he have to be so creepy? ”

“ I think that’s just how he is. ” Charlie patted her shoulder, then leaned over to watch  Alastor get the door. “He’ s weird, but... I think he actually wants to help. Give him a chance,  Vaggie . ”

She rolled her eyes, and shook her head. “I just don’t... He’s the radio demon! I-I guess there’s worse overlords out there, but... UGH. Fine. I’ll give him a chance. Only for you though, Charlie.”

Charlie reached over and squeezed her hand, giving her a soft smile. “You won’t regret it.”

Alastor pulled open the door, finding himself face to abdomen with a red velvet robe. “He-” He blinked and slowly looked upward. There, wreathed in a massive furry collar and adorned with a near endless top hat was the smiling face of his visitor. He had a good  four feet on  Alastor at least, and his grin was near lecherous. “- Llo .”

“ You’re even  _ better _ in person.” Valentino stepped in to the hotel lobby, looming over Alastor.

“O-oh.”  Alastor took a step back to allow him in. “How ah... nice of you to say! You must be a fan of my show!”

“I’m a  _ fan _ alright. All that damage you did to the stuffy ole’ slug? You caught my interest. Though I’m a little hurt, we’ve met before, baby.”

Alastor’s mind instantly went on the search for when he could have seen this towering demon. He slowly shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t remember, my good fellow!”

“Well... I guess I’m not surprised. It was a while ago, during a turf war. My  _ first _ turf war. You were like a murderous red angel. ”

Alastor cleared his throat and gave him a small laugh. “I have people tell me that more than you think! I’ll take that as a compliment!”

Valentino  gave him a pleased smile and  started in on him, using his  height as an advantage. With every step forward, Alastor took one back. “I’m a big fan of the way you  _ slaughter _ demons. So violent.  So thrilling. So red  _ hot _ -” 

Alastor stuck out his hand, stopping Valentino’s advance. “Yes well! We all do love our fair share of violence. Er—are you looking for redemption?” He watched Valentino’s eyes openly travel the length of his body. He looked down at himself, not seeing anything out of place in particular. “As... that’s what this hotel is for...” He glanced over to see Charlie and Vaggie’s wide eyed expressions peering over at him from the couch.

“Nah baby, I’m looking for you. You’re  _ just _ what I need.”

“Me? Why, I’m  _ flattered _ ! I’m afraid my social calendar is booked between my radio show and helping with this hotel. But I can take your calling card for when I have a free moment-”

“O-okay!” Charlie waved her hands and hopped over the couch toward Valentino and  Alastor . “No poaching my talent, ha ha.” She took one of Valentino’s hands. “I’m afraid if you’re not here redemption, you will need to  leav -”

“Nah, I don’t think so. Not before I’ve said my piece, you understand that, don’t  ya princess? You got to say your piece on tv, I should think I get to say mine in a hotel lobby.”

Vaggie stepped in front of  Alastor , gripping tightly to her spear.  Alastor’s eyebrows rose up at the gesture. Her posture reminded him of the day they all met where she was waving the business end of her spear at him. He tilted his head to the side, his smile softening. Since when had  Vaggie deemed him worthy of protection?

“Well I... I guess you’re right.” Charlie cleared her throat. “Proceed.”

“Just make it quick.”  Vaggie said and puffed up her chest, standing taller.

“I’ve come here to get to know the Radio Demon.” Valentino said and smiled innocently.

“The hell you are, you cheesy-”

“Vaggie... hold on.”  Charlie blinked, looking over her shoulder at Vaggie and  Alastor . “I...  er ... Well, in what way, Valentino? You’re a pimp, and-”

“A pimp!”  Alastor’s eyes went wide. The pimps of his day never wore what Valentino had on. They wore high priced, well cut suits and  had  expensive haircuts to match. The huge top hat, fluffy collar, and red robe reminded him  more  of a demented Santa Claus.

“I prefer sexual marketer myself.” He grinned widely.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Valentino- though we do appreciate you stopping by.” Charlie gestured toward the door.

“Wait wait now, you haven’t heard me out. I’ve got some girls who are interested in seeing their families again that I’m willing to part with for being low earners. They’re thinkin’ redemption might be the way, baby. I don’t want to go getting their hopes up, so I want to have lunch with your sponsor before I let them come your way. Ya gotta vet these things.”

“Lunch?  Er ... well... that doesn’t seem  _ too _ bad.”

“ _ Charlie _ !”  Alastor threw his hands to his side. “Have you lost your royal mind!?”

“One moment please.” Charlie smiled sweetly to Valentino, then turned around to pull  Alastor off to the side.

“Charlie,  _ no _ .”  Alastor hissed through a plastic smile. “I’m not going out with a pimp of all people for lunch!”

“But he can get us customers, and we  _ need _ customers. Especially ones that  generally want to come here for redemption! That’s the whole point of the hotel!” She raked her hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, I know I’m asking a lot. But! But. You wouldn’t be alone.  Vaggie and I will come with you. We’ll make sure Valentino doesn’t do anything funny, or come save you if you need it.”

Alastor let out a long hissing sigh while never losing his smile. “What an utterly ruthless maneuver, Charlie. As your business partner, I’m proud of you for using a resource as a means to an end. As that means to an end, however-”

“I’ll stock the cooler with venison for a whole week.”

“Done!”  Alastor stuck out his hand eagerly for her to shake.

Charlie shook his hand, pulling him back over to  Vaggie and Valentino. “Good news, Valentino! You’ve got your lunch date.”

Valentino’s grin grew wider, and he rubbed both sets of his hands together. “That’s what I love hearing, baby!”

-

His bedroom door swung open with a loud squeal and a bang when it hit the wall. Angel rocketed into the room, slamming his hands on Alastor’s ironing board. “Did I hear that right? Did I fuckin’... seriously hear that you’re going on a date with Val?”

“Yes Angel, Charlie is making me do this for the potential of having more customers.” He ran an iron over his coat, pressing the warn sleeves into a crisp line. 

Angel let out a long, agonized sound, running his hands down his face. “For fuckin’ real? Oh man. You  ain’t \-- You  ain’t like that, though. You ain’t gonna fuck Val-”

Alastor gave him a disgusted look. “ Of course not.”

“Why does he even want to— Wait a minute,  oh  _ fuck _ .” Angel ran a set of his hands down his face, grabbing  Alastor’s shoulders. “You  _ don’t  _ fuck! Don’t take this the wrong way, Al, but Val is going to eat you alive.”

“I should think not!”  Alastor’s eyes narrowed. “I can handle him.”

“No , you can’t!” He threw up both sets of hands, balling up one set of hands into fists. “Val is  _ fast _ , Al. He’s charming as fuck, quick and easy with words, and before you even know it- you're flat on your back with a  buncha cameras in your face. And I’m  _ advanced _ with this  sorta thing! You don’t have the experience . Plus, he’s got this deal with pheromones, what with bein’ a bug. But uh, that might not be as big of a deal to you. You ain’t a bug, after all. ”

“Angel, Angel,  _ Angel _ . Firstly, you’re an arachnid, not an insect. ”  Alastor sat the iron down and put his freshly straightened coat back on. He patted his cheek. “ Secondly, w hile I appreciate your misplaced concern, I’ll be  _ fine _ . I may not have sexual experience, but I have a wealth of knowledge on conmen. I’m not concerned , and I’m definitely not afraid of any bug pheromones. ” He grinned.

“Al,  _ please _ .” Angel reached out to him.  Alastor ducked under his hands throwing his coat on as he went , heading out of his room. “Just at least consider my damn warning! Don’t underestimate him!”

Alastor waved him off, heading down the stairs toward the lobby.  Vaggie was waiting for him, her arms folded over her chest.

“Are you  _ really _ sure about this?”

“ Of course I am, my dear. Are you  _ worried _ about me?” He grinned and she frowned, which made his own expression wilt just a bit. “Goodness, you  _ are _ .”

“Yeah well... you’re doing something really helpful for the hotel and Charlie appreciates it but... you hate this sort of thing. I don’t want something shitty to happen to you because you’re trying to help us.”

“Perish the thought, my dear. I promise you that I’ll be just fine!”

-

Alastor sat in the middle of a restaurant, waiting for his date. Valentino was adamant about this location, despite it being part of the newest turf war. He was seated underneath a huge skylight. It bathed him  and the rest of the table  in red light. His eyes trailed up to it, and down the stone walls. They were carved in intricate decorations depicting Lucifer’s fall to Hell. It was extravagant, over done, and judging by the wine list prices alone, it was  _ expensive _ .

He changed nothing about his appearance save for the ironing earlier, and lining the inner pockets of his coat with easily accessible knives. Charlie and  Vaggie were a few tables away from  Alastor and the skylight , their eyes on his table. He folded his hands in his lap, one ear twitching as he heard Valentino arrive. He stood when he walked up to the table, extending a hand in greeting. There was the hint of something metallic in the air that despite multiple quick sniffs, he could not place what it could be. The heady cologne he wore masked it well. He was pulled forward so quickly by a set of hands, his mind was a step behind him. His hand was taken and kissed before he knew what was truly happening. He snapped his hand back, cradling to his side and moved back to put the table between them. Valentino’s wide grin was triumphant, and his own was off-put. How was he that fast?!  Alastor looked back to Charlie and  Vaggie , who shot him wide eyed glances and shrugs.

His heart began to pound. He needed to be one-hundred percent on guard with this one. He should have paid more attention to Angel’s warning. He should have asked more questions-

“I got you a present, baby. I know you’re a man of taste, so I’ve got you a snack for later.”

Alastor slowly looked back to him, eyeing the red box one pair of Valentino’s hands were holding. “...No one’s ever brought me a snack before.” He took it, not sure where to look on Valentino to be prepared for some kind of trick. When he made no additional moves, Alastor let out a sigh. “May I open it?”

Valentino nodded. 

He popped open the lid, his senses  overwhelmed by the heady sent of iron. A demon heart was neatly packaged inside. He blinked in surprise, and shut the lid. “That’s ah... that’s a surprisingly sweet gesture. I’ll save this for later.”

“For the right demon, I’m a  ‘ surprising sweet ’ guy. I know you ain’t exactly the regular sort of demon who is over the moon on impressive acts of sexual prowess. So... I’ve  gotta go about it differently if I want to get to know you. It’s real refreshing, baby- I like  havin ’ a reason to think out of the box.” He tapped the side of his head.

Alastor placed the box down on the table. He went to sit back down, only to have Valentino pushing in his chair for him.  _ A pimp with manners. _ He kept Angel’s words close by.  _ He’s trying to get my guard down. _ “Thank you, it’s rare I meet a demon with such good manners.”

“ Just like bein’ sweet, for the right demon I’ve got manners.” He sat down across from Alastor, inching his chair a bit closer to him.

Alastor caught the move toward him , moving his chair in the opposite direction.

“Playing hard to get, baby?”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, taking his eyes off Valentino for a mere moment. “I am hard to get, there’s no  playi \-  Ooofh .” In the moment he had looked away, Valentino moved his chair right next to his.

“This is much better.”

“That’s very subjective.”  Alastor glanced at Charlie and  Vaggie , noting that they were busy placing an order with a server and not watching him. He caught  that odd metallic scent  again, though much stronger than what was in the b efore .  His eyes widened in realization . “Did you get me my heart right before this date?”

“Ye-up. I figured you’d appreciate the fresh kill and enjoy the scent of it. I read up on you. Did my homework.  So , do I get an A?” He pushed his heart shaped sunglasses up, looking down at him with his red eyes and a slick grin.

“I...”  Alastor flushed. “It’s a solid B, really. You need a reason to keep aiming high after all. You seem like the type to rest on your laurels and slack off .”

Valentino let out a bark of laughter, putting his arm around the back of his chair. “You’re somethin’ else, baby. I can’t make heads or tails of you.”

_That makes two of us._ Alastor attempted to move his chair once more to recapture his ground, only to find the piece of furniture rooted to the spot by Valentino’s grip on his chair. The smell of a fresh kill was starting to fill his senses again. No one had ever hunted for him before. His head began to swim with the thought, but before he got too lost in thought, a splash of cold liquid hit him in the face. The now empty glass smashed on the restaurant’s stone floor. The regular din of restaurant noise went to a low hum as the server instantly went to pick up the broken glass and prepare several napkins for Alastor.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, sir! It was just  water, I can go get some more napkins-”

“Ah! Don’t worry about it my dear. Accidents happen.”  Alastor grinned and stood up. “Pardon me, Valentino. I want to go  towel off.”

“I’ll be here, baby.” Valentino blew him a kiss.

“I _know_.” Alastor sighed, heading off toward the bathroom. 

-

He made a beeline for the sinks, turning on the water to wash his face. He looked up sharply at his reflection, narrowing his red eyes. “You get your head back in the game. A pimp is running circles around you. A  _ pimp _ .” He jabbed his finger at the glass on the last point and sighed.  Valentino had speed, and the scent of a fresh kill to entice him. He was on the offense, leaving  Alastor no choice other than to be on the defense. Rubbing his chin, he began to think.  _ I’ve got better hearing. The supreme sense of smell is a detriment right now. I’ve got one natural line of defense other than magic. ...If I resort to that, I could lose the deal. Get the girls for the hotel, that’s the goal.  _ He splashed more water on his face.  _ Easy. Simple. A walk in the park.  _ The bathroom door cracked open, with Charlie and  Vaggie peering inside.

“Did our server splash  good enough  you?”

“We paid her to give you a chance to escape.” Vaggie shrugged. “It seemed like a more natural way of giving you an escape route.”

Alastor stood back up, water running down his face. “Yes, she did.  Er , coast is clear by the way . I’m the only one in here.”

They scooted inside, with  Vaggie looking up at the bathroom window. “We could hoist you up there. You’re skinny enough to get through it.”

“Yeah! I can make some sort of reason for you to leave.” Charlie nodded eagerly. “I ah... I’m really sorry, Al. I shouldn’t have made you do this. You’re not comfortable with this sort of thing as it is . I was trying to be like my dad and make decisions like he would-”

“My dear, you’re not your father.”  Alastor put his hands on her shoulders. “And if I really didn’t want to do this, I would have made far bigger of a stink about it. Quite frankly, I’m feeling challenged. He’s... formidable.” He rubbed his chin in thought. “I think I can best him.”

“Best him? At  _ what _ ?” Vaggie frowned.

“At the game!”

Charlie exchanged glances with Vaggie. “Er... what’s the game?”

“...I’m not exactly certain, but I  _ know  _ we’re in one. And I’m damn well going to win it.” 

“...You’re going to win a game that you’re not sure what exactly you’re playing?” Charlie said.

“ _ Exactly! _ ”

“Okay, you’re going through the window.”  Vaggie stood beneath it. “Come on, Charlie. The two of us can get him through it.”

“Tut  tut ,  Vaggie darling. I swear I’ll be fine. Your assist was helpful as he’s covered in the alluring scent of a fresh kill. I needed to clear my head. Now, I’m ready . ”

Vaggie squinted at him. “Are you  _ sure _ ?”

Alastor folded his hands behind his back. He stood up straight, and with his usual smile spreading across his face. “Yes. I’ll see you both back out there.”

Charlie let out a sigh. “Okay.  Okaaay . Then... we’ll see you out there!”

Once they left him alone in the bathroom once more, he turned back toward his reflection. “I will  _ not  _ lose.”

-

Valentino was waiting for him back at the table, patient as could be. His chair was still plastered to Valentino’s. “There you are, baby! I ordered us a bottle of wine.”

Alastor eyed the label as he sat down nearing the edge of the chair to get some space from the other demon . He found himself squinting at the bottle in the same way  Vaggie had done  to him  earlier. “That’s one of the king’s reserved wines.”

“Figured you’d pick up on that.” He popped the cork and poured  Alastor a sizable glass.

“That’s a ridiculously expensive bottle of wine , are you  _ insane _ ?”

“Nah, baby. I got a lot of cash on me, and I’m  gonna spend it all on you today.”

“...Seems unwise! Maybe instead of a date, you should be making plans with a  financial  planner.”

“And that is why I like you, baby. Funny as fuck.” He poured himself a much smaller glass. “I’m not one for red wine, but  you seem like the type to drink it given it pairs with red meat- especially served rare .  I’ve seen you rip into demons while they were still alive, so I took an educated guess on what to get.  This particular restaurant is known for that, which is why I picked it for our date.”

“You really did do your homework.”

“I didn’t want to waste your time.”

Alastor took a sip of his wine, feeling something flutter in his chest. No one ever cared about wasting his time. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his dining companion. The expensive wine, the care to pick something pleasing to him. What was he playing at? Was this part of the game? “I... I’m confused.” He toyed with the glass’s steam before setting it down on the table .  An explosion shook the restaurant, making his wine sway in the glass. He watched it for a moment, letting out a small sigh.  “I don’t know what you’re expecting out of me, Valentino. I’m not going to be in your smutty films if this is some sort of attempt to recruit me to perform.”

Valentino threw his head back and laughed. “Baby, Al.  _ No _ . I don’t want  _ you  _ to be in  _ my  _ movies! I want you for  _ me _ !”

Alastor stared up at the other demon, sitting his glass of wine down on the table. “That’s still quite vague I’m afraid. What in the devil do you  _ want _ me for, if it’s not part of your sexual empire? You wanting me for you doesn’t exactly explain anything.”

He was expecting Valentino to laugh at him again. He did not expect an inquisitive look as he tilted his head to the side. “You really don’t know do you? That’s  _ fascinating _ , Al. Did you date when you were alive?”

He shook his head no.

“What about here in the afterlife?”

Another no.

Valentino sat back in his chair, stunned. “Wow. Just wow, baby. I wasn’t expecting that at  _ all _ .” He took a sip of his wine, making a slight face at the taste before putting it back down. It was a few minutes before he spoke again. “Well then. I want to date you.  _ Officially _ . I like your violent vibe, baby. We could slaughter so many down here, over and over again.” He grinned. “You and me, winning every fucking turf war from here to eternity.”

Alastor knitted his brows together, pursing his lips in thought. “You want to cause destruction with me?”

Valentino nodded. “ _ And  _ have dates like this. I know you’re a foodie. Word has it you like  cookin ’. Maybe next date you can make something for me?”

Alastor’s expression softened. “You...  _ want  _ to eat my cooking?”

“Only if I get to watch you cook. I bet you look  _ damn fine _ in an apron.”

He rolled his eyes, but found himself not wanting to argue. It was a nice apron after all. “You  _ have _ to hold up your end of the bargain. We need hotel guests. Oh! And I’d like you to leave Angel alone while you’re in the hotel. I know he still works for you; I  _ know _ you’ve been rough to him. I don’t want him feeling unsafe at the hotel because you’re there with me. ” 

Valentino rubbed his chin in thought.  “I wasn’t planning on backing out, baby.  _ Especially  _ if it means another date. I can leave Angel alone in the hotel if it means being with you. ”

“Fine. I’ll let you win  _ this  _ game. But just this once! You won’t win the next date.”

“...Game?” He blinked.

The skylight above them shattered from an explosion nearby. Valentino got down under the table, pulling  Alastor with him. The glass rained down all around them and on top of their table. Another explosion struck the building, causing the front part of the restaurant to crumble like dry clay.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know this place is in the middle of the current turf war, but I thought we’d be safe during the lunch hour. The food was supposed to be worth the risk of danger. ” He pulled a gun from out of his robe, his grin growing wicked as another explosion rocked the building. Screams and the sound of more falling fixtures filled the air. “You  wanna come show these fucking losers how to have a  _ real  _ turf  war ? We can get something good for dinner after. Or I’ll watch you eat them. Whatever happens first. ”

A slow, curling smile spread across his face. “ _ Now _ you’re speaking my language, pimp. I just need to check on  Charlie and Vaggie  first.” Alastor reached up and gave Valentino’s antennae a playful tug.

Together, they flipped their table over sending glass flying everywhere. Valentino pulled out a secondary gun, and  Alastor had his staff. He looked around, his ears twitching for Charlie or  Vaggie’s voices. He was hoping to at least wave to them before they wound up leaving for more carnage. What he did see was Charlie hunched over a motionless  Vaggie . She looked up to  Alastor , tears streaming down her pale face.  Vaggie had a sizable wound on her abdomen from falling debris. 

Vaggie , who was concerned about him.

Vaggie , who wanted to help him escape.

Vaggie, who tried to protect him. 

His staff slipped from his fingers, clanging on the ground.

“Al?” Valentino frowned and touched his shoulder.

Alastor trembled all over, surrounded by glowing hot  veve flashing in the air. Valentino took several steps backward.  He contorted backward, his limbs growing lankier, and longer. He shot up in height, shredding his clothing to bits of red colored cloth that covered the ground in pinstripe confetti. Antlers sprouted from his head as his face quickly became obscured by an oversized deer skull. He let out an agonized howl that echoed in the ruined restaurant.

The claws extending from his bony fingers scraped the floor as he turned away from them, heading toward one of the newly made openings.

“Alastor! No! Wait, come back! I just have to heal her, she’s going to be okay! Please! ...Oh fuck, we've lost him.”

One of Valentino’s guns dropped from his top set of hands, and was caught by the lower set. “Wild. Fucking  _ wild.”  _ He turned toward Charlie. “Was that his full demon form?”

“ Oh for fuck’s sake- can you go after him?  _ Please _ ?” Charlie asked as she wiped away her tears. “I have to save Vaggie!”

“I’ll bring him back, Chaz. We still got half a date left  after all !”

-

When  Alastor woke up next, he was on a very large, incredibly soft bed. Something velvet and fluffy surrounded him. He sat up with a groan, as Valentino’s massive fur collared robe slid forward on his thin frame. It smelled pleasantly  like spicy cologne, gunpowder, and the slight scent of metal from Valentino’s early kill . “Wh... what?” 

“You’re awake, baby! ‘Bout time.” Valentino smirked at him from the couch on the other end of the room. “Chaz was kind enough to lend me this room to wait while you recovered. That was the best fucking date I've ever been on. Explosions, fighting with you in your full demon form, watching you rip apart screaming demons- it was something else! ...How you feelin’, though?”

Alastor squinted at him. Val without his robe on seemed somehow taller in his tight slim fit pants and mostly unbuttoned button up shirt. He pulled the collar down a bit more as the fluff was obscuring his view. “How do you see out of this?!”

“Heh. Well. I got the advantage of height. I can barely see your ears. Fuckin’  _ adorable _ . It’s my phone wallpaper.”

Alastor slid the robe off, letting it pool down by his hips. The fluffy collar kept him near fully covered, as it came to just past his waist. “Is Vaggie-?”

“The angry moth girl? Yeah, she’s totally fine. Well, a  _ little  _ sore, but that’s to be expected. They’re  waitin ’ for you to wake up down in the living room.”

“I suppose you collected me afterward?”

“ Mmmhmmm . You are really something else.” He stood up and was at his bedside in a mere few steps. He sat down beside him, taking  Alastor’s chin in his hand. “I’m just  _ crazy _ about you, baby. Every time I think I got you figured out, you go and throw me a monster sized curve ball.”

Alastor batted his hand away. “Valentino, that’s ah... well, that’s  _ something-” _

“Hold up, baby. I got a surprise for you. Your last heart got ruined, so I pulled this out of one of the overlords we laid waste to. Figured you might be hungry after all of that. It’s on the side table.”

He let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know how to take you, Valentino. You’re a  _ pimp _ . Yet, I’m naked, in  _ your  _ robe, and you’re being respectful.”

“Of course, baby! I want to date you, not pimp you out.”

Alastor’s ears twitched. Valentino did not seem like he was lying.  He prepared for this date; he brought his best game. He seemed serious. He pressed his lips into a thin lined smile.  “...I suppose my clothes were destroyed?”

“ Mmmmhmmm .” 

“And I also suppose you’ve seen me naked when you gathered me up after the fight?”

Valentino raised his heart-shaped glasses upward, and popped an eyebrow. His wide grin made him flush.

“...I see.”

“Didn’t know you had a tail, baby.”

Alastor immediately buried his head in his hands. “Not a  _ word  _ to  _ anyone _ .”

“Won’t tell a soul, I swear.”

Alastor ran his hands down his face with a sigh and looked to Valentino. He gave him a good, long look as if trying to read him from the inside out one last time . Valentino took the gesture with a nonchalant grin. “You must actually like me.”

“Guilty, baby.”

“You are actually respecting my space, despite me being stark naked in your robe.”

“I’d ravish you in a heartbeat, but you’d hate it. ...Maybe one day, you’ll give me the honor of  doing  that.”

Alastor felt a blush creep up his cheeks. “ Yesmaybe .” He cleared his throat. “I suppose. If! If you’re good.”

“And by good you mean bad? We are in hell.”

“I...” He trailed off for a moment. Tricky pimp. “I meant exactly what you know I meant.”

“Can’t fool you, baby.”

“Well then. For our next date, I’ll cook for us. But for now- I need to go see Charlie and Vaggie. I need to check up on them.” He got off of the bed, the fluffy end of Valentino’s robe dragging on the floor as he walked over to the wardrobe. He let it fall to the ground in a heap, earning himself a wolf whistle from Valentino. “Oh please, you’ve already seen me naked once today. I’m sure the thrill is over.”

“That is not how that works at  _ all _ .” Valentino grinned as  Alastor slid on a hotel robe.

“Honestly, not even a minute after planning our second date and you’re already being bad.” He folded up Valentino’s robe, handing it over to him.

“Nah, baby. I’m being good.”

Alastor rolled his eyes. “Come along. I’ll show you the way out.”

-

After bidding a fairly handsy Valentino goodbye,  Alastor peered into the living room at Charlie and  Vaggie . The two of them were on the couch, waiting silently for him. They made a move to get up, but  Alastor shook his head. He sat between them, wrapping his arms around them both. “Are you both alright?”

“Sore. Tired. And fucking hungry. But alright, nonetheless.”  Vaggie shrugged a shoulder, placing a hand on her stomach.”

“ It’s been exhausting, Al. I’ve been worried for you both.”

“Ah, don’t worry Charlie. I’m fine, if not  a exhausted. A bit  peckish , but I do think I ate the bulk of two overlords today, and one of them had on armor. I’m not entirely sure though, my memories are a little foggy when it comes to being in that form. But! I am not too tired to serve you two up something to eat.” He stood up from the couch, extending his hands to help them up. “There’s some leftovers I can bring back to life in the fridge, unless Angel’s eaten them.”

“I still don’t know what your deal is... But I hate it a little bit less.”  Vaggie nudged him in the side.

Alastor beamed at her. “A little progress is still progress, my dear.” 

END


End file.
